FINALLY, I CHOOSE ME!


While growing up, I always had the metality that it was more profitable and respectful to put others first. I accepted and lived this advise. Everything I always did was tilted towards making the other person feel happy without feeding my own happiness and this affected me in so many ways. And you know african women are trained to be stong at heart - at least, that was the way our mothers were trained. So many people say I behave like a 'butter' girl but I think that is absolutely restricted to my behaviour sometimes and not my inward mind.

However, as I advanced, I began to see life from another angle. I noticed that so many of the people I placed in a state of great value above myself never really cared about how I felt. They enjoyed the respect I gave them, the honour I gave them and how much I cherished them and would put them first before anything. One of my friends called it 'friendship disorder' and that meant that I cared too much about others than myself.

At first, it was very hard trying to be myself and trying to please myself but as I got to realize that in this world, our journey is personal and nobody cares about no one, I began to see reasons for myself and I began to withdraw myself. Frankly speaking, people actually noticed and that was what suprised me in essence. People actually enjoy the 'fool' and because of that they will never tell the fool that he is swimming in 'folly'.

So, someone walked up to me one day and told me to tell her something she wanted to know which I supposed to keep as a secret. I thought for a while before muttering any word.

    'Why should I tell you?', I asked this girl

    'Because I want to know and I know you will tell me', she replied

I was taken aback. Oh, she knows if she ever went to meet someone else, the person would ignore her but if she came to meet me, I would always blurt out whatever.

    'Hmm', I said. 'And what makes you think I will tell you?

She laughed. 'Gracey, you will tell me because you always tell. Its easy to get something from you. You are so easy to whyne'

And that was it! I didnt tell her and I stopped telling. Now, I realized that people had tagged me for a loose mouth when in actual fact, I only always told them things or did things for them just to make them happy or pleased. And so, I decided to choose me...my own happiness because in the real world, no one cares! They just enjoy you and when you need them to reciprocate, mehn, you will realize that you are really on your own (O.Y.O).

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