RELATIONSHIP CLINIC


Hello Fam. Welcome to the first and the best Relationship Clinic only on Emete's Mind Blog!

Kindly send your questions to smartemete@gmail.com or post it in the comment box!

QUESTION

Dear Emete,

I am an undergraduate student in a prestigious university. I and my girlfriend have been dating before I got admitted into the university and everything went on smoothly till now. She called me last week and told me that she cannot go on with the relationship because she has found someone who has promised to marry her. I was dumbfounded because she never showed me any signal that she wasn't satisfied with the relationship. I was angry and hung up. Just yesterday, she sent me a message on whatsapp that her parents asked her not to go on with the relationship because I am still a student. I see no sense in that because she is also a student and I don't think she would like to marry while in the university. I love her so much and cannot imagine leaving her. I have been begging her since yesterday but it seems her mind is made up. Please what can I do?

KINGSLEY FROM IBADAN

REPLY

Dear Kingsley

How do you do? From everything you have said, it all points to the fact that she is no longer interested in you. Its either her explanations are true or she just framed it up. Yet, we cannot conclude. Why not sit her down and pour out your mind to her and seek ways of mending the relationship but if she still insists, you might just have to let her go. I know it would hurt a lot because you love her but yet, you just have to take the bold step. Thanks for sharing!

QUESTION

Dear Emete,

I want to firstly commend you for bringing up this section on your blog. I am a business man who is doing his phd in the university of lagos. I met a lady who just came in as a fresher in unilag too and we became friends and even close friends. However, things changed and she started showing interest in me. I have been out of a relationship for six months now and so I decided to give it a try. Two weeks after, she started complaining bitterly that I don't love her. I couldn't understand her complaint because I call her often, send her gifts, visit her often and on her birthday, I organized a nice birthday party for her. So, I asked her to elaborate but she insisted she wanted to see me. I drove down the next day to her hostel and picked her up. We went to a secluded place as she asked for and instead of explaining, she began forcing herself on me. I am a respectable person and I value my integrity and so I refused having to do such with a young girl like her. I am 13 years older than she is and marriage isn't even in my agenda and I cannot start thinking of raising a child yet. She got angry and called me impotent and left. I have been calling her since but she hasn't picked. I do love her but I don't want to hurt her in anyway and I respect her innocence as a young girl. Please what do you think I should do?

EMEKA FROM LAGOS

REPLY

Dear Emeka,

How do you do? Thanks for the commendation. I do appreciate. First of all, I want to sincerely commend you for not succumbing. You are indeed a man of integrity. Some other men would have taken advantage immediately. I don't want to talk about the age difference but I want to understand that you love her and you have shown a good level of care towards her. However, it is clearly written that what she wants from the relationship is sex. As you said, she is a young girl and might have been peer pressurized. It was very wrong of her to have been insulted but if you still want the relationship, I will recommend communication. Call her and talk to her and explain your reasons to her. Try and make her understand you and make her see things from your angle. This would change a whole lot of things. It all requires patience from your end. However, if she still insists on sex, I really want you to stand your ground against pre marital sex. Don't compromise for nobody. Thanks for sharing!

QUESTION

Dear Emete,

My Name is Tomilola. I have been dating my boyfriend for like three years now - it was a long distance relationship. Just two months ago, he moved into my area in Ibadan and we now see each other frequently. I never knew he drinks till now. There was a time he drank so much and when I confronted him, he almost hit me. I wanted to call off the relationship but he kept on begging me but that didn't stop him from drinking. I love him but there are some things I cannot condone and that has to do with guys that drink. I am not so desperate for the relationship but I want to keep the relationship. I just need a little advice. Thanks.

TOMILOLA FROM IBADAN

REPLY

Dear Tomilola,

How do you do? I understand your plight but you didn't tell me if he wanted to hit you while he was drunk or he was already back to his senses. In any case, it still sums up to communication. If you guys haven't sat to talk about it, you just have to. You have to tell him what you don't like and also try and understand him and help him. By helping him, he would be able to stay away from alcohol. So you don't have to make extreme moves. However, if you know you cannot cope, since you aren't desperate about the relationship, you may decide to put it on hold for a while. Perhaps during that moment, he will gather up and change if he isn't addicted. But firstly, talk to him about it. Thanks for sharing!

Alright, fam. That's all for today. You can also pour out your heart to us by sending your questions to smartemete@gmail.com . I would love to hear from you!

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